Dear Diary- (Adele)
(Author Note: I chose to do something a little different and write diary entry in the voice of Adele. It is set during her time at the school where Rochester sends her after Jane leaves Thornfield. It is based on the ending of the novel where Jane explains to us what she learned about Adele after her return. While it is speculative, I felt like Adele’s time in school was meant to be read as a very similar experience with Jane’s time at Lowood and that some similarities could be drawn from their personalities from Adele’s experience at school.)
This place is awful and I hate it. And I miss her. And while I haven’t always been a fan of Mr. Rochester (for he is far too cold of a person) I find that miss him too. Anything that reminds me of home really; I find that I miss it in some way.
It’s too cold and dark here. The teachers are mean and nothing like Jane. She spoke French with me, and I like that very much. And whenever I would dance and sing for her she would listen. But not here. Our studies are limited to the books that donated and are falling apart. I feel more trapped here then when I did at Thornfield before Jane. My mother taught me so many exciting things and I just want to share them with the people around me, but my teachers just yell and call it inappropriate. Their punishment is mean and I don’t think I deserve it. The man that runs the school is a mean man as well. Sometimes I think about what Jane would say if she knew how they treated me here. But she doesn’t know and I’m not sure she ever will.
I wish I could write to her, but she left so suddenly that I never got a chance to say goodbye. Everything was going so perfectly. We were happy. I think she might have been scared and that’s why she left. Those noises from the attic make her lose her train of thought sometimes. Sometimes I like to think it was a monster, with big hairy claws and sharp pointy teeth. Grace always told me my imagination was too wild. I never really like her and I suppose Jane didn’t either. While she never said anything to me, I think she blames Grace for all of those noises. I could tell she was upset, she avoiding me at all cost before leaving. I heard them, Jane and Mr. Rochester and the others talking, yelling at each other over some woman who’s name I cannot recall.
Sometimes I think she’s strong for leaving, for Mr. Rochester wasn’t always the nicest to her. He plays too many tricks and lies too much, I think. But I know she loved him, I don’t think she realized I knew. Mostly I just want her back. Mr. Rochester sent me off so quickly that asking questions was out of the picture.
Writing about her makes me miss my mom as well. I miss the days of adventure and being able to a little naughty. My mom was never as well behaved as they make me here. Jane says she doesn’t see how I could possibly be Mr. Rochester’s daughter, but the truth is, is I just have more of my mother in me. I’m not sure myself on whether or not he is my father, but I do find it somewhat out of character of him to just take me in like he did without having some feelings of reject or sympathy, which one I’m not sure. I get angry with him then too, for giving up on finding another governess and just sending me off here. Why bother bringing me over here in the first place if you’re just going to send me off. It seems a bit irrational if you ask me, why not just let me live back in France my true home.
I hope Jane doesn’t stay gone for long. I hope she comes back to Thornfield because I know she love Mr. Rochester. And I hope her interest in me is genuine enough to ask about me. I hope she comes to visit and when she does I’m going to tell her all about just how awful this place is.