You Better Catsup
Oh, man. I never wrote a blog post before, and although I’ve probably read hundreds, the entire format now escapes me. So in that case I’ll treat this as an awkward postcard to maybe an obscure aunt retired in Bora Bora or perhaps a letter to a weird cousin away at band camp.
In that case, salutations fellow reader. Did you sleep alright? You did? Good, good. Anywho, although you did not ask for this, I am now going to pepper you with all the grievances I have for our vast English language. First and foremost, my dad whose most redeemable quality seems to be math and certainly not literature refers to the most beloved condiment in America as “catsup”. Turns out he uses an ancient/foreign pre-typed grocery shopping list where you just check off the things that you need, and under condiments it doesn’t read “ketchup”. Oh, heavens no. It reads “catsup”. To this very day, the rendition of said word still haunts me.
And just exactly what’s up with the oxford comma, eh? Why wouldn’t you use it?! I don’t think it’s wise to use “?!”. In fact my mom once yelled at me for it. Not exactly a tongue lashing but close to it. In addition to that, you can imagine my surprise when I found out sometime around last year that it wasn’t “nip it in the butt” but “nip it in the bud”. Color me embarrassed, fellow reader. Don’t get me started on “lay”, “lie”, and “laid”, either. I’ve been taking English classes for years now, and I still have to look up the difference between those three.
This last one might be a moot point (and not a “mute point” like how I thought it was spelled. . . or it is spelt?), but this list of pet peeves wouldn’t be complete without complaining about “you’re” and “your” and “there”, “their”, and “they’re”. I believe everyone can agree that they feel like lifting up a table and launching it across a room when their misused. Hah. See what I did there? Knee slap.
That’s all I have to yammer about on here. Like I said before, I’m not one hundred percent sure how to sign off on a blog post so I guess I’ll just leave you with this.